20 Golden Dragon Girls club commandments
#1 - Thou shall give alms
Paying a cover fee alone doesn’t make you entitled to gaze at a dancer’s divine visage. Us strippers beat up our bodies doing Olympics-level pole tricks. If you can’t afford to see Cirque du Soleil, you definitely shouldn’t be going to a club. For those on a budget, handeth over $1 per dance. Honor thy dancer.
#2 - Thou shall have no other distractions before me
I am the stripper, thy entertainer, who brought you out of your house of boredom, and thou shall have no other distractions before me. Texting thy booty call can probably wait another three to seven minutes, so put your damn phone away. At least do what the on-call nurses and truck drivers do when their devices start buzzing: put a couple dollars on the rack, get up, and walk away to answer. Mine is a divine performance, and thou shall pay attention.
#3 – Thou Shalt Be Respectful of Dancers
If you’re turning a girl down for a lap dance, try to be polite about it and respectfully turn her down. You can simply say no thanks and you can move on with your day. Don’t give her a reason, insult her or get annoyed at her for doing her job. These girls go up to guys and ask if they’d like a lap dance, that’s part of their job and how they make their money.
As a go-to line you can always say, “thanks but I just got here and settling in for now.”
#4 – Thou Shalt Buy Dances
If you’re interested in getting some alone time with a girl, be prepared to spend some money. These girls aren’t there just to be eye candy. The dancers are there to make money, and these girls live off of the money that you tip them.
In addition, clubs require them to split their tip money at the end of the shift toward the house fee. This is basically a mandatory tax the dancers pay for being able to strip in that venue.
Don’t think just because the girl’s hot and works in a strip club, you can corner her and sweet talk her into taking you into a private room. That’s not how that works. If you want some quality time with a girl you find attractive, you better be prepared to spend some real money in the VIP room.
#5 - Thou shall not record or photograph my image
Since the dawn of hip hop and butt-rock music videos, many have forgotten that this isn’t just a sin, it’s illegal by the laws of Man. In most states it's actually a Class A Misdemeanor to record in a club. Performers want to be famous in the club -- our temple -- not on YouTube.
#6 - Thou shall not covet attention
Encouraging your girlfriend to lap-hump on you at the bar or at the rack isn't arousing to anyone, even if R. Kelly's “Bump and Grind” is playing. Either way, folks are here for a show, not a spectacle you’ve created.
#7 - Thou shall not lick or kiss
Heathen. One sure way to guarantee yourself an air dance (that's a lap dance, minus any contact) is to make the stripper nervous that she might suddenly be bathed in your saliva. So please keep your mouth closed and away.
#8 - Thou shall not grope
Grabbing a stripper’s body parts to see her tattoo is one of the biggest no-no’s. If you say, “I just want to see your tattoo,” you’re even worse. What was decreed in kindergarten still stands: look with your eyes, not your hands. Otherwise the bouncer's going to look with his hands while kicking you out.
#9 - Thou shall not covet my off time
Telling a stripper you “don't tip strippers” but that you'd rather "take her out for dinner” is the best way to ensure that she spins on her stilettos and never speaks to you again. Good luck with your speed dating; the prophets predict it shall be extra fast.
#10 - Thou shall respect thy dancers
That other stripper you just made a rude comment about? She’s my coworker. She’s my friend. Regardless, women are smart enough to know that a real compliment doesn’t rely on denigration of another woman. That’s a competition none of us agreed to.
#11 – Thou Shalt Not Hog the Stage Seating
When you’re sitting against the stage in a front row seat, you’d better be tipping. This is premium seating at the strip club, and can require a handshake to the hosts on busy nights to obtain.
if you’re lucky enough to get there early and nab it first without a reservation, you should be having fun with the dancers and throwing some tips their way when they drop it.
It can be a small tip like $1 per song or more (they always appreciate more). Although if you’re just sitting in one of those front row seats without actually tipping, then the dancers and staff will start to think of you as a parasite.
If you hog the stage, and you’re just there gawk at women for free, you’re not doing the club any favours and you’re taking the seat of someone who could actually be tipping. It’s not technically against the rules, but it’s definitely a fast way to annoy the strippers and bouncers. It could even ruin your chances of any kind of one-on-one session with your chosen girl.
#12 – Thou Shalt Not Over Touch
Get to know the girl’s boundaries and rules when you’re getting a lap dance. Some girls don’t allow you to touch them at all and some clubs don’t even allow touching period.
However, some girls have pretty loose rules regarding touching and most will let you touch them as long as you pay for touching lapdance. Just don’t start groping or touching away because you’ll probably get your hand slapped away the first time and if you keep doing it, you’re going to get escorted out of the club.
#13 – Thou Shalt Not Get Wasted
Don’t drink too much. We know how much fun everything is when you’re hammered but it’s only fun for you. It’s never fun for the sober people around you who have to deal with you.
Yes, strip clubs serve alcohol but good strip club etiquette says you should maintain a proper buzz, not drink to the point where you get yourself hammered and can barely function. When some guys get drunk, they start touching without asking and doing things they regret in the morning.
You also don’t want to wake up with remorse and look at your bank statements wondering why you spent so much money. Know your limits when it comes to alcohol and drink accordingly.
#14 – Thou Shalt Not Ask Strippers on a Date
Don’t ask the girls out on a date, especially if they’ve just met you. A strip club is not a dating service and it’s not a classifieds section.
These girls want to make money and provide entertainment while doing so. It’s not only impolite but actually rude to ask for a girl’s number, because the girl will sometimes assume that you think she is a private escort on the side. Its best to simply not do this, as you’ll get a bad reputation in the club.
Some bouncers have even been known to throw customers out and reprimand the girls for exchanging the digits. If you feel there is a real connection, its best to have her whisper her number into your ear and for you to remember it. Another bonus for moderating your alcohol intake.
#15 – Thou Shalt Know Your Strip Club Rules
Get familiar with and know the basic rules of strip club etiquette, because it can vary between venues and different cities. Most of the codes of strip club etiquette listed here are common sense rules that seem to get lost when new people visit a strip club.
Logic seems to fly out the window when people are brand new to gentleman’s club etiquette, and that’s why we’re trying to lay down some general ground rules for all strip clubs. Each strip club has their own rules though which will either be listed on their website or inside the club.
If you don’t know, simply ask. Especially if you’re having a great experience and plan to come back.
#16 – Thou Shalt Follow Dress Codes
Try to look presentable and approachable. If you know you’re going out to the strip club, take a shower, brush your teeth and make sure you don’t have any obnoxious body odour. If a girl passes by you and takes a whiff of something fierce, what do you think the odds of getting a lap dance from her is?
Also, make sure you dress nice. You don’t have to dress up in an expensive ensemble but look presentable. The most popular look is business casual, but most strip clubs have their own dress code guidelines. You don’t need a suit and tie (unless you want massive attention), but you do need to look good if you want to catch the eye of the hottest girls on staff.
#17 – Thou Shalt Tip Often and Freely
Remember that almost everyone there is working for tips. Hardly anyone working at the strip club has a sizable salary or hourly wage, so everyone’s living off of tips. Tipping even modestly will secure you a level of respect in the strip club that will get you special attention for the entire night.. The hot barmaid that’s serving your drinks? Make sure to leave her a generous tip, because she’ll remember
that. Guess who’s going to get their drinks before everyone else? On busy nights, you could tip the hosts working the floor in order to get the best seating locations in the main room or near the stage. Trust us, it’s worth it.
#18 – Thou Shalt Keep It In the Pants
If you can feel your pants tightening and you feel yourself becoming aroused, don’t act on it whatever you do. Don’t breathe on her neck, and don’t whisper things you’d like to do to her in her ear. it’s better to just keep your mouth shut and enjoy.
#19 - Thou shall not present thy junk
Nobody wants to see selfies of your nethers: not your girlfriend, not your Snapchat buddies, and certainly not a stripper. It is a true test of a dancer's poker face when presented with a picture of a stranger’s Linus in the lap dance room. Every time a customer scrolls through his cellular gallery, saying, “I want to show you something,” strippers mentally prep themselves for photos of smiling children... of the instrument that fertilized the egg that made them.
#20 - Thou shall not steal
Nothing reeks of desperation more than attempting to steal tips from a working woman. It happens more than you’d think. I’ve given into wrath and chased men who took tips from my stage. Some of us run pretty fast in heels. Thou shall not beat the crap out of a thieving scumbag is not one of our commandments... or one of the bouncer’s.